Ask Valerie

Dear Valerie,

I can't wait to graduate, but I also fear the day. I already have a hard time developing, much less maintaining good friendships. This is college, which seems to be an excellent opportunity to develop such relationships. Does this doom me to a life of loneliness after school?

-Lonely for Life

Dear Lonely for Life

As a recent grad, I understand your problem (probably more so than Amanda, though she could surely pontificate a brilliant response). Amanda chose to hand-off this question to me after talking on the phone late Wednesday night -- which, in a sense, begins to answer your question. The relationships that you make in college are – in post-college life -- often the relationships that keep you going amidst bouts of unemployment, homelessness, and friendlessness.

However, I understand from your question that you are not so much concerned about the importance of having friends after college (though you will probably recognize this problem in about, oh, 9 months).

Your problem seems to pertain more to the development and maintenance of relationships. Ask yourself what stands in the way of creating lasting friendships? Is it the overabundance of schoolwork? Is it the lack of common interests? Do you have issues with trusting people? Have you been repeatedly burned in the past by persons you thought were friends?

Perhaps you get exhausted by the drama that often surrounds relationships.

Upon your reflection, remember also that it is not quantity that makes relationships meaningful, but the quality. Find a core group of people with whom you WANT to maintain connections with after college. Work on bettering your relationships with those people, and although loneliness is bound to happen at times, rest assured that you will experience less if you are willing to participate in reciprocating exchanges.

Choose NOW to live a relationship-centric life, and when your life after-college is a crazy-mixed-up conglomeration of -- God forbid -- homelessness, poverty and/or unemployment, return to that core group of friends whom you know will support you, just as you support them!

Good luck!

Valerie from Albuquerque