Kyle's Movie Review: "Step Up"

"Step Up" is a film that stars two unknown actors. That is to say the two leads are not considered recognizable by the general viewing public. There is good reason for this, as no self-respecting established actor would sign on to step up in "Step Up."

The plot of "Step Up" is wildly predictable. There is a street thug who has mad hip-hop moves on the dance floor, he meets a straight-laced ballerina and the two initially clash. This all is prelude to the inevitable joining of forces when the two combine to form a dance combo. Woo hoo! Let's hear three cheers for a plot thaat is so extravagantly creative. False! This movie lacks creativity in all regards to plot.

I wonder how such a shallow film was even put into production. I then realized that the production company had relatively low expectations for this film to begin with. Touchstone films decided to have Anne Fletcher direct a film. What qualifies Anne for the responsibility of creating a film? She's a choreographer. After serving as choreographer for notable Hollywood successes, such as Catwoman, Dudley Do-Right, and The Pacifier, Touchstone decided that Fletcher is more than qualified to direct her own movie.

Well folks, this week you will get what you pay for. In fact, $1.50 may be a bit much to ask to see this cinematic gem.

Just to make sure that I am heard correctly, I will state again: this is not a quality movie. I do not endorse it and, frankly, I am offended that CAC has assumed that we as a community will enjoy this movie. Does the CAC think we are not going to notice them slipping up and putting trash like this in its movie lineup? Perhaps. Yet my conscience refuses to let me sit idly by whilst the CAC casually insults us all.

If you're the kind of person who enjoys going to Main Street, I'm sure you'll love this film, even though I highly doubt you'll even read this article at all. If you enjoy going to parties and dancing ridiculously out of the ordinary just to be the spectacle the entire room is focused on, then you'll love this movie. Guys, if you've ever walked around sans shirt just to show off the guns, you'd like this movie. You may even enjoy this movie if you're just an overall shallow person who enjoys shallow, meaningless things.

The MPAA rates this movie PG-13 for thematic elements, brief violence, and innuendo. While this film may not be morally offensive, it may offend every sensibility you hold as the self-respecting patron of the cinema that you are. It is showing in the Science Center at 10:00 PM on Friday and 9:00 on Saturday.

I extend my sincerest apologies to the CAC and I hope that they take my playful criticisms in stride. I'd like it known that I do not have, nor have I ever had, any beef with the CAC.