Ask Kate

Dear Kathrine,

I was wondering if it's harmful to constantly talk about the status or level of a romantic relationship. Because sometimes it seems like it's detrimental, but if you don't talk about it at all---it can leave a lot up to assumed conclusions.

Love,

Your favorite sister

Dear sister,

I'm glad you are, for once, asking my advice. This is one of those tricky relationship questions that depends very much on situation and personality but can serve as a reminder about the dangers of assumptions. I admit I am a master at avoidance, especially when it comes to relationship talks or conversations littered with "what are you thinking right now?" However, there comes a time in every relationship where it is necessary to define what each other wants and doesn't want. In the EMU world, this usually means taking a painfully long walk around campus or finding a corner in the lounge to sort out your uncertainties.

Contemplation often makes life miserable, and sometimes I wonder if we should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live. Yet assumptions will almost always snag even the best relationships and can lead to more heartache than its worth. The key is moderation. Having a seven hour discussion every night over who likes who more will certainly not be helpful; however, completely avoiding any discussion about where the relationship is moving only breeds and feeds assumptions.

Ask yourself if the relationship is worth nurturing, saving, or growing. If it is, then clear up the assumptions and move forward. There will always be unknowns, and that's part of the adventure. But don't let the adventure trick you into thinking that assumptions are truths.

Dear Kate,

Do you ever make up your own questions?

Skeptical Scholar

SS,

No.

Sincerely,

Kate