Ask Kate

Dearest Kathrine,

I consider myself a fairly generous and giving person, but sometimes I feel like people take advantage of me. One of my roommates has no qualms about eating my food or using my things, many times without even asking. I really don't mind, but she never offers anything of hers and rarely offers to buy shared items. I would eat her food, but she doesn't have anything that I want to eat. I don't want to be mean, but I don't know what to do and I'm tired of her mooching off of me!

Sincerely,

Robbed Roomie

Dear Robbed Roomie,

The relationship between roommates and/or housemates can be a very delicate one. It's easy to become more like siblings than friends, which can lead to quick annoyances and the loss of manners. But it has its perks too, as you hopefully have encountered. The ability to be blunt is one of them. Harboring your annoyance will only lead to full-blown anger. There's a chance your free-spirited friend might not even know he/she's a crook. Telling your friend how you feel is the best and fastest way to resolve the problem.

I admit though, that respect for the truth is an acquired taste. It's quite hard to tell someone they are bugging you when you can't walk away afterwards. It's even more difficult to hear that you've been freeloading and causing hard feelings and then have to pretend to function normally. Ask yourself what you'd want to hear in her situation. I imagine you'd want to know the truth right away, but be told gently and without a Sesame Street lecture about how to share.

No matter what, try to make a conscious effort not to let your roommate and the rest of the world take advantage of you. It will only make you bitter and frankly, unpleasant. Stand up for yourself, even if you have to start burying your goodies in the backyard or locking your favorite shirts in a safe.

Good Luck,

Kate

Dear Kate,

I'm a freshman and I got a bad and unfair reputation at the beginning of the year. I made out with 3 guys in one weekend; all we did was kiss. Everyone thinks I'm something I'm not. Those were the first three guys I kissed and it seemed like everyone else was doing it without consequences. I've been trying to date someone for the past two months but his friend's opinion seems more important than what he tells me is a strong desire to be together. I'm almost a sophomore and can't shake this reputation. How long do bad reputations last?

Sincerely,

Lonely Lover

Dear Lonely Lover,

I'm sorry to hear about your unfortunate collision with the EMU gossip chain. It's quite a force, isn't it? If you read my column on gossip a few months ago, you'd know that I've pretty much given up hope on battling the Mennonite rumor mill. In my opinion, it's an enormous waste of energy and far from effective. I will, however, tell you a few practical things I've done to ease the pain.

Douglas Malloch has this great quote which says, "The biggest liar in the world is They Say." I love that, and I wrote it down a long time ago and taped it to my mirror to remind me that the Puritan's idea of hell is a place where everybody has to mind his own business. People love to talk about people, especially if it's about drugs, sex, or rock and roll. You kissed three guys, right? For a guy that means a score, for a girl that means you're a whore, thus exciting the gossip's tongue.

I know it hurts, but another thing I've learned is to just laugh it off. If everyone else sees you brushing off hurtful lies, they'll be more inclined to as well. Bad reputations last as long as you allow them to. Figure out who you want to be at EMU and be confident in that decision, realizing that not everyone will necessarily sing your praises. As a senior nearing graduation, my best advice is to simply breathe deep and keep on living. Don't waste your time on relationships, romantic or otherwise, that are controlled by petty gossip.

Best,

Kate