Ask Kate

Dear Kate,

I am so sick and tired of other people telling me how to live my life, particularly regarding my relationships! All I get are directives: do this, do that, marry him, and do it SOON! Why don't people leave me alone and let me do things on my own time?

Sick and Tired of Nosy Neighbors

Dear Sick and Tired,

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with the peanut gallery's ever present bossiness. It happens, especially when you're about to graduate. Everyone, from your parents to your peers, wants to put in their two cents about where they think you should be putting your two cents. Whatever that means.

You mentioned pressure for marriage, so I can only assume you're in a serious relationship. That's wonderful, but only you and your partner can possibly have any idea if you're ready for such a big step. And I'm skeptical of even you two knowing whether or not it's time. So take a breather and let marriage work itself out eventually, whenever that may be. The fact is no one can really know another person's romantic relationship enough to be making absolutes. Make that clear to your nosy neighbors.

You asked why people do not leave you alone and let you do things "on your own time." Well, if you cut out friends, family, co-workers, etc, out of your life forever, it would be possible for virtually everyone to, indeed, leave you alone. You are, however, surrounded by people who care about your future. They love you and want to offer you whatever advice they can before you make decisions that will affect the rest of your life.

That doesn't give them the right to constantly hand you directives though either. And I'm sure there are also those folks in your life who are simply spewing out advice just to hear themselves speak. Ignore them. Allow those who genuinely care about you to share what they must, all the while reassuring them that you are in control of your life. Perhaps you have not "found yourself" yet, but the self isn't something that you find. It is something you create. Don't let others create who you are and who you become. Your nosy neighbors will find, soon enough, that for better or for worse, you are in control of your destiny.

Best,

KB