Ask Kate

Dear Kate,

Last month, my older brother abruptly decided to pack a bag, fly to Kenya, and attempt to purchase a visa into Sudan. This week, my cousin informed our family that she will soon be leaving Paris, France, where she was doing research for the N60 "Future Generations," in order to live in Beirut, Lebanon for six months and she will find work when she arrives. Meanwhile, another cousin edits for a land mine magazine.

Both my brother and my cousin took huge leaps of faith for the "betterment of mankind" (to be cliche). How do I follow such footsteps? This is my generation and it already follows an extensive legacy of mission work by my aunts and uncles. I would feel guilty settling down with a family and working as a cable repairman or some other blue collar job. Should I feel guilty? My family will be disappointed in me if I don't do something big. Help me choose a direction, please; I graduate in a few months.

Little Feet for Big Shoes

LFBS,

Though I'm certainly not in any position to be choosing a life direction for you or answering any of your enormous philosophical questions, I'll do my best to offer what little knowledge I have on the subject in order to fulfill my role as a giver of advice. But I'm not making any promises.

First off, congrats to your ambitious family. They sound like quite an army of do-gooders (not that there's anything wrong with that). My question to you: Do you want to work towards the "betterment of mankind" because that's what is expected of you, or do you want to do it because you want to do it? Who or what is telling you that you must go overseas and save the world? Whether it be God or Mom or the church or Allah or St. Jude, you need to find the root cause of your unease. Also, ask yourself if you are going to save the world or yourself.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with having a family or being a cable repairman. I'm sure there are many fine cable repairpeople who are making a difference beyond making sure Joe Zillionare comes on at 8. What you should feel "guilty" for, however, is settling. Don't settle for less than you desire. If you really truly want to move mountains, then push. No one besides a few xenophobic homophobes really think your sole purpose in life should be to settle down behind a white picket fence and birth out a herd.

You and I are at the age where anything is possible. So ask yourself what you want out of life. Look ahead a few days, weeks, months, and years and look at who you want to become. How will you get there? The Roman orator Seneca said that when a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind. So figure out what you want, not what everyone else wants. Stop comparing yourself.

And if that doesn't work, because it probably won't, go with the flow and see where the spirit leads you. That's what I'm doing. Maybe I'll see you there.

Best,

KJ