Ask Kate

Dear Kathrine,

The advice I'm looking for has to do with the EMU rumor mill. I have gone on a lot of dates with several different women at EMU. I really do have good intentions and am interested in all of them; I wouldn't go on the date if I wasn't.

For whatever reason, I tend to not go much further than one or two dates. I realize I'm not ready for a commitment or discover that the girl and I aren't as good of a match as I originally thought. My problem is that the EMU gossip pool tends to pick that up and take it way too far, generalizing the situations out of control. Should I be concerned? Should I fight it? Or should I just forget about it and let it roll off my back (which is easier said than done)?

Gossiped Gentleman

GG,

If I have to pick from your three options, I'd like to go with the last. Letting the frustration "roll off your back" and into the next hemisphere would be a liberating notion and relieve you of any pain attributed to the fact that your campus thinks you're a skeeze. Believe me, I know all about this, and it's rough. You don't want to be "that guy," but you also don't want to validate their claims by acknowledging it and causing a ruckus.

One of the things you have to remember is that no matter what, you are choosing to go to a small Mennonite school. (The key words here are "small" and "Mennonite"). The Mennonite Mafia is notorious for gossip, so be aware that they aren't just talking about you. Also remember that whoever gossips to you is likely gossiping about you.

Any attempt at quelling the rumor is futile. It's like trying to unring a bell--impossible. Being overly concerned about what others think is easy, but only leads to a narcissistic mindset. Just think about how often you wonder if people are looking at the pimple above your left eyebrow or the jeans you wore two days in a row. The reality is that hardly anyone notices these things, but we're so wrapped up in ourselves that we think they must.

Dating is part of the college experience. And part of dating is picking and choosing who you try, keep, or toss away. I know, harsh. But it's true, and inevitable. Though not everyone chooses to date this way, you do, so you must also face the consequences. If you don't want people gossiping about your poor relationship moves, either stop making them or transfer to a mega school. You won't find peace and quiet at EMU.

Best,

KJ