Ask Amanda

Dear Amanda,
I have been in an off-and-on relationship with a guy for several school years. In a few weeks he will graduate and we will be apart. How can we transition from a somewhat dating relationship to a long distance friendship?
-It's Sad to be dating a Grad

Dear Sad,
Sounds like you've got the Graduation Blues and you're not even graduating.

Off-and-on again relationships are tricky, especially during transitional times. Four years of college establishes a definite safe space in which to operate. Some weeks you could be friends, and some weeks there would be benefits. Either way you knew that the next week would provide ample opportunity for interaction and drama.

Now he's graduating into a world of infinite possibilities. He might pursue another degree in Any City, USA. Perhaps he will sell his soul to the Peace Corps for two years time. Or instead he might choose a career path divergent from his major and join a traveling circus. He will probably do all three. And whether you call him on his cell or send three-week long snail mail, opportunities for communication will be fewer and farther in between. Opportunities for benefits will be nonexistent.

However, I think a transition to a long distance relationship will be easier for you than for him. These days, long distance relationships can take on many forms: emails, IMs, letters, and free calls after 9pm and on weekends. You will have frequent access to these options while he might not. You will be surrounded by familiar faces and places with activities and assignments to occupy your time. He will be venturing into the unknown alone. For you, this long distance communication might end up being one of many emails. To him, it could be the best support he has.

The relationship will naturally evolve into a friendship simply because it must. Hopefully, summer will give you both transition time to move from flirtatious to more supportive roles. But remember, when summer's over and busy school life begins again, he might be the one in need of a good friend, even if it is long distance.

-Amanda