Ask Amanda

Dear Amanda,
I have a tendency to be clingy. How do I let a new guy that I'm recently involved with know that I'm interested without being too clingy?
-Cling-free's the way to be

Dear Cling-free,
I prefer not to use the term clingy when discussing your unique communication style. So you're interested in a new guy who's most likely giving you positive reinforcement in the form of lavish attention. I would certainly come back for more happy mutual relating. Who wouldn't? Desiring attention and quality interaction is a normal relational need.

However, I appreciate your concern for excess. Hovering over him in the initial stages of your relationship might send him running with arms flailing in terror. Then Bush would label you a terrorist - a clingy one at that. Avoid these terroristic tendencies by redistributing your attentions.

Over the next few weeks when you get the urge to dial his digits, phone a friend instead. If you find yourself "accidentally" walking to his place of residence, stop, drop, and roll. Then turn around and go home. Give him space to seek you out. In my experience, this leads to roses, chocolate, and poetry.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that you play hard-to-get and ignore him completely. Continue to engage him in subtle ways. Make eye contact from across the room. Ask him about his siblings. Propose a casual outing. By getting relational gratification from a variety of other friends you will still be able to fulfill your needs. At the same time, giving him physical space will also give him the space to miss you. Then we will all be happy.