Editorial: Final Rantings

Never mind. Go sit outside and look at the stars with the time that you would have used reading whatever was going to be in this space.

Seriously.

Are all of our good readers familiar with the term "lame duck president?" How about the term "lame duck editor?" Yes, that is correct. The semester is so near the end that we are now "lame ducks." You in the back, stop with the cheering.

But seriously, enough with the rants on the infidelity of today's church and the idleness that plagues Mennonites living in suburbia. Instead, let us focus on the important elements of life. For example, the National Basketball Association is about to begin what many fondly refer to as "the Playoffs." There really is nothing like a little Reggie Miller action in the dead (heat) of summer. How many of us have not been so inspired by watching Reggie or Michael Jordan hit a game winning shot that we then ran outside and flung basketballs heavenward for the better part of a sunset?

So maybe this piece is aimed at the wrong audience. Only boys want to read about sports, right?

Whoops buried lead: Boys like to talk about things other than sports. Buried lead number two: Girls.

Why do boys like girls so much? I mean, what does a girl have that a man can't provide? Let's introduce a few myths and shoot them down:

1. Girls have more Fashion Sense. Gentlemen, I give you....well...myself. Case closed.

2. Girls have more emotional sensitivity. Once again, I cannot think of a better example invalidating this argument than the fact that I, Paul, have a heart as big as Texas. Anyone want a piece of this?

3. Girls are tantalizingly mysterious. I actually have two arguments to contest this point. Number one, your mom. Last I checked, she was about as close to being "tantalizingly mysterious" as China is to Indiana. Trust me. Number two, I have four words for you: looook into my eyyyyyyes....

Obviously, there are plenty more myths out there to be debunked, but unfortunately I haven't the room to elaborate. But listen up, men of EMU: I, Paul Yoder, have every one of the traits you are looking for (in vain, I am afraid!) in your female companions.

Forget the girls! Pick me! Pick me!

Yours With Love,
pjy

-really by an editorial consortium