Ask Amanda

Dear Amanda,

I have been watching a certain someone from afar. He's very attractive, intelligent, funny, and I like his style. I want to get to know him better. Our mutual friends have even hinted that we'd go well as a couple. The problem is, we have no classes together and don't usually come in direct contact socially. Sure, I wouldn't have a problem with an eventual romantic relationship, but mostly, for now I'd be happy with simple conversation to find out what this guy's all about. How do I bring about interaction without scaring him off or sending the wrong signals?

Sincerely,

Stalker-Free is the Way to Be

Dear Stalker-Free,

Initiating interaction is tricky, especially when you have no casual excuse for getting to know someone. There are several approaches to such a dilemma. The course you take depends chiefly on your personality, resources at hand, and motivation.

Are you the confrontational, comfortably confident, yet rather impatient type? If so, I recommend an "unplanned" spillage of textbooks, followed by the classic "bend and snap". Introduce yourself, make quick, yet witty conversation. Smile. Eye contact is essential. This is a quick, easy way to make a lasting impression.

Perhaps you are more the shy, introspective, manipulative type. Then I suggest the much craftier Amelie-style. Find something that is of emotional importance to him, "borrow" it, and then proceed to post mysterious flyers all over campus indicating a specified meeting time and place. Holding his emotionally prized possessions hostage sets a strong precedent for the long, emotionally manipulative relationship that will surely follow.

However, I would guess that your intentions are slightly less shallow and your motivations a bit more sincere. But please, do not just sit on your hands, sending him mental messages, dreaming of the day he'll ask you out. And although some people consider stalking a form of research, it's really just weird.

Try talking to your mutual friends. Get them to invite you both over for dinner with a small, non-paired-up group of others. Go to a social or campus event that he's sure to be at and engage him in some form of conversation. Ask him about his interests, major, five-week plan, the simple basics. Baby steps. Casually invite him to tag along on group things. Once you're on a first-name basis, don't be afraid to ask him out for coffee or a concert or a trip to the grocery store. The honest and direct approach ensures an open space for interaction and guarantees that you will soon learn his middle name.

And remember, if you're going to attempt a wink, please practice in the mirror first.

-Amanda