The other side of the cords
Christie Benner (L) is one of the recipients of the Cords of Distinction. The cords are given in regard to accomplishments, but there is another side of the students that one only sees when conversing with a younger sibling such as Christie’s younger sister, Emily (R).
Cords of Distinction are awarded each year to graduating seniors with outstanding achievements and influence at EMU. The Weather Vane staff felt it was necessary to perform some background investigation and reveal the dirt under the carpets of this year’s recipients.
Christie Benner is a vibrant leader at EMU. She has played the roles of Ministry and Pastoral Assistant, actress, singer, and volunteer in a number of capacities. Unfortunately, after inquiry to students that had previous history with Benner, she was found to be guilty of indecent exposure, theft, and vandalism.
The case of indecent exposure occurred 16 years ago in front of a classroom full of kindergarten children. Having dressed herself for the very first time, Christie arrived at Miss Black’s kindergarten class shirtless. Upon removing her coat, she stood in only a full slip and an avocado-green skirt small enough to fit a 5-year-old.
Benner’s tendencies toward theft were evident from a young age, but inside sources report that she has taken possession of garments from almost all her family members.
"Christie’s idea of shopping is raiding my mom’s closet," said one anonymous source. "She even took my sister’s underwear without asking."
Benner performed her first act of vandalism at age 12, when she meticulously drilled a corkscrew into her parents’ drywall. No legal actions were taken in response to any of these offenses, but clearly Benner is not the flawless icon that many believe her to be.
Senior class co-president Eric Kennel has shown outstanding leadership in a number of ways at EMU. He recently led a Spring Break service team to Florida, and in his four years, Kennel has served in IEP helping students to learn English, in the YPCA prison ministry planning worship services, and in Campus Ministries, both as a Ministry and Pastoral Assistant.
Kennel has a wonderful reputation on the EMU campus, but in-depth questioning of an unnamed student revealed a long-held secret.
She said, "He peed on me while I was sleeping," but said, "Not directly on me….He had peed on the wall and it sort of came down on my pillow. I was probably two years old at the time. One or two."
While this was Kennel’s first and last cruel offense of any kind, our source presented no definitive evidence to rule out the possibility of premeditation. She said, "He thought he was peeing in the bathroom." Seventeen years later, no one can be sure.
Brandon Bergey is very competent in the social arena and has used his social skills to enhance EMU’s environment in a number of ways. He has organized hiking, skiing, and motorcycle trips in the name of bringing students together for fellowship. He has also served the admissions staff through his hosting, panel input, and phonathons.
Bergey is a leader among his peers, occupying the admirable roles of Community Advisor, SGA Senator, and Greeter at the International Festival. But according to an unrevealed sibling, his life did not begin in such an honorable fashion:
"When he was born, he pooped on the nurses’ towels."
Although willing to offer this sensitive information, the source insisted it be made clear that Bergey did not defecate directly on the nurses. The towels were the only items damaged in the unpleasant event.
Nonetheless, several of Bergey’s fellow students expressed disappointment in the inconsistency he showed through this action; the complete unconcern for making a positive first impression was uncharacteristic of Bergey’s usual behavior. In light of this new information, Bergey’s integrity is being brought into question.
Despite this new and troubling information, the Cords of Distinction presentation will continue as planned, directly after chapel on Friday, April 16.
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