Consequences of being inbred

Inbreeding leads to mountains of nasty consequences. This is the fact that slaps me in the face every time I have opened my closet door since the barn dance. I have a wonderful pair of cowboy boots that spend their time sitting in my closet not doing more than hanging out with all of the other shoes that I have accumulated. You see, these boots are symbolic of one of my life’s greatest travesties. I paid more than should be mentioned in this article for a pair of boots that I will never be able to take contra dancing.

There should be a training class, or at least a warning label to place on Mennonite weddings. If you are Mennonite and your fiancé is Mennonite, there are some repercussions of which you must be warned. In my parents’ case, this Mennonite inbreeding has caused their eldest daughter to suffer from a serious lack of rhythm to be displayed in choreographed movement.

It is not a lack of musical ability of which I am void, but rather a lack a dance moves. Oh sure, I can gyrate with best of the rhythmically impaired, but when it comes to "getting my groove on," "getting jiggy with it," or "getting down with my jam," I like to do it within the secluded sanctuary of my room or a dark deserted parking lot.

Please do not label or judge those of us who shy away from the barn dance and other similar festivities. On the contrary, you can be a support to those, like myself, that suffer rhythmically. There are ways to combat this defect. One of most effective forms of de-inbreedination I have found has been singing with the Gospel Choir here at EMU. Slowly my needy pores have soaked up the rhythm. I am on a continuing journey to being healed of this deficiency, and maybe at some point I will be able to wear those boots with dignity. But until then, there is always needlework to be done!