New mascot: emu?

I had heard that EMU is looking for a new mascot. Whether this is true or not, I thought it would be good to look at all the members of the animal kingdom to represent our sports teams and school overall. After many painstaking hours of contemplation and research, I came across an obvious choice: the emu. Through research I found a plethora of facts about the emu that would support it as a great candidate.

The emu, or Dromaius novaehoilandiae, is the world’s second largest bird, ranging from five to six feet in height. This flightless bird drinks around two to four gallons of water daily and can survive in temperatures from zero to 100 degrees Fahrenheit. It can even run at speeds up to 40 mph. Wow! Male emus even tend to engage in sport-like activities. Many observations of emus have shown that the male emu will follow almost any moving object, especially shiny ones. With this kind of adaptability, speed, and liquid storage, an emu mascot is sure to strike fear in the hearts of opposing teams ranging from the basketball courts to the dugout.

Socially and ethically, the bird fits well into EMU’s cultural norms and lifestyle standards. The emu engages in a monogamous relationship with another emu of the opposite gender for the extent of its life. There is still some speculation to whether or not the emu may find another mate after spousal death, however. Also, in line with the new- found political correctness of the church in recent years, the male emu is the one who incubates eggs and raises the young emus until they leave the care of their parents.

After reviewing these facts I asked others what they thought; most responded positively to the idea, with 86 percent saying they would love for the mascot to be changed to an emu. Hey, if it’s good enough for Australia, it’s good enough for us!